pulchra.

summa daze summa days

this weather is so bipolar but i love its highs and its lows.
 
be careful when you let me go, because i'm no longer one to ask you to stay.

"I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees." - Pablo Neruda.
 
Today was alright.
 
Will you still love me when summer comes and the tides change?
 
I feel like you can read my mind from miles away,
but you're not what I want and I'm not what you need.
 
I just want to watch Maury and sleep.

so much homework, so little time.
i don't know what i'm doing anymore.
i have no interest in anything.
i'm sorry for all the trouble i've caused.

It's been a good week. :)
I feel like spirit week is actually fulfilling its purpose.
I've never been more proud to be part of my class.
 
Gosh, I'm so happy.
Normally, I would be miserable from a stressful day at school, then running track, and then having maitre'd work... but I'm so happy.
I wish everyone could be at least as happy as I am right now.

it's rainy kind of day, except it hasn't rained.
i've been awake for three hours and i haven't done anything productive.
having friends is really tiring.
i keep wanting to throw up.
i feel like i have a concussion.
i blacked out on a rollercoaster.
i just want to eat chocolate and sleep.
 
update:
i threw up.
i think i'm in love with myself, somewhat.

it's a new year.
i don't feel much different.
 
my year in bullet points:
- too young
- confused
- improvements
- death cab for cutie
- david sedaris
- scared
- nervous
- procrastinating

“Promise me.”
 
“No!”
 
“I will possess your heart.”
 
Heat flared along the back of my neck. “What did you say?”
 
“My favorite song. ‘I Will Possess Your Heart.’”
 
“By Death Cab for Cutie?”
 
He snorted. “No, the little known T.I. Hip-hop remix. Yes, Death Cab for Cutie.”
 
“Why? What’s wrong with it?”
 
“Nothing, but it doesn’t seem to fit you. It’s kind of a sad song.”
 
“No it’s pure confident. It’s not ‘I want’ or ‘I need’, none of that crap.” He slipped his hand over mine. “It’s ‘I will.’”
 
A nervous laugh bubbled up. “You will, huh?”
 
His fingers brushed my cheek, then slid into my hair. “I will.”
 
- from a shitty book by Jeri Smith-Ready
 
&
 
i'm not quite sure what to say anymore haha
i will possess your heart
is a really good song
give it a listen, eh?
 
&
 
i just want to love somebody
to pour my all into them
i don't care if they don't love me back
to love is enough
 
&
 
it's 2:38am
i'm tired
my head hurts
i'm not as i used to be

yeah.

it was my birthday yesterday. c:
birthdays really aren't the same anymore though.
the world around me doesn't stop spinning to celebrate my existence.
-
i really love my friends though.